Why Unhappiness Is Helpful and What To Do With It

Originally published on Thrive Global on 22 March 2021.

In your coaching practice have you noticed the number of unhappy people increased last year?
Yes absolutely. I’ve noticed so many of the more difficult emotions come up for my clients, sadness, anxiety, depression, loneliness. Given the circumstances we’ve been through this makes total sense and I think we all need to be kinder to ourselves by accepting these emotions rather than resisting or suppressing them.

What’s the difference between situational unhappiness and depression?

Feeling stressed because of a work situation or sad at the end of a relationship is a situational emotion. Feeling lonely because you can’t see your family in lockdown is also situational, although because of how long this has gone on for it can also lead to depression. If you’re feeling sad or stressed about many aspects of your life or can’t pin-point the underlying cause, then you may be suffering from depression which can impact every aspect of our lives. If you’re not sure, reach out to your doctor or a counsellor or therapist to find out.

What would you recommend someone should do if they are feeling unhappy?

Firstly, we need to acknowledge that unhappiness is helpful, rather than thinking of negative emotions as undesirable. Our emotions are like the dashboard in a car, when a light flashes red it’s a signal we need to do something. Our first reaction to a negative emotion may be to try and make ourselves feel differently, perhaps distract ourselves with some food, tv, alcohol or social media. That’s the equivalent of continuing to drive your car on a flat tyre. We need to make sure we don’t ignore these emotions.

Positive psychology and having a positive mindset have become really mainstream in the past few years. This is something I absolutely welcome and there are so many benefits to developing a positive mindset. However, the danger is that we feel that it’s undesirable to experience negative emotions and we must ‘snap out of it’ as soon as possible, or even worse not express these to others. If we do this we may be ignoring important signals that we need some support, to get some rest, or just to have a good cry. It is also important to accept that feeling negative emotions is part of the human experience so we need to learn to be ok when we feel these emotions.

Why do you think people struggle to talk about their unhappiness?

There has always been stigma around discussing mental health issues and this extends to talking about negative emotions. We worry about making others uncomfortable or being seen in a negative light. On top of this the proliferation of social media and people showing a distorted, overly positive image of their lives makes it even harder for people to admit when they aren’t feeling good. It isn’t necessarily a good idea to broadcast all your emotions to strangers via social media, but it is important to have close friends, family and also colleagues who you trust enough to share your authentic emotions with them.

What is a healthy way to handle our unhappiness?

Read the rest of this article, including Emilie’s 5 steps to handle unhappiness here.